3 Steps to Call in the One
By Phyllis King
It is now the time of year many begin to focus on finding a new relationship. With February comes Valentine's Day. It's the second month of the year. Many of us are still riding high from the energy of leaving the last year behind us. We have a new chance in our life. In February everywhere we turn we see red hearts, chocolate, and commercials with couples toasting the moment with champagne flutes.
Having coached thousands of men and women on calling love in, there are a few things many of us do unintentionally that impede our ability to do that. We may be doing many things right unintentional impediments often derail our best efforts. I will outline things most people do that get in the way of attracting a partner who will align with their vision and their needs.
The biggest issue is that we don't fully heal our wounds from the past. Many of us have very tender hearts. The first time or the second time or the culmination of times that we have been injured have left us jade, closed off, and defensive. We have not given enough attention to our healing. Rather we halfway heal. Then we walk around in a somewhat wounded state all the time pretending to ourselves and to others that we are available.
With that state being in our consciousness relationships become strategic. The activity becomes more about looking for red flags, green flags, avoidant disorders, and narcissistic tendencies than anything else. Connection is way down on the list. This strategic approach is inherently all about defense and trying to protect ourselves. The only path to love is through vulnerability. If we do not feel safe enough in our skin to be vulnerable, we are sunk. No one but us can make us feel safe. We fool ourselves with our inner dialogue saying we are taking care of ourselves by being picky, or whatever the words may be, but what we are doing is keep love at arm’s length. Energetically, all we can attract is unavailable people. Why? We are unavailable.
We can always easily identify our level of availability by what is showing up in our lives. The type of people and circumstances that keep showing give us great clues as to our level of openness and emotional health.
95% of the work of attracting is managing our own energy. Our own reactivity. Seeing how we are showing up in the world. Attraction is based upon like vibration to like vibration. Full stop. That is the number one thing people never want to hear but nonetheless is true. We do well at pointing out other people's flaws. We do well projecting out and justifying why something isn’t working out. Until we see that we are the creators of our life story we will not hit the target. The only way out of this quagmire is through our inner narrative and life story.
It’s an easy job to find fault in others. Fishing from a barrel. Everyone is flawed. There is no perfect person. There is no perfect relationship. We have to define what we truly value in life and in a partner. Then we work to cultivate those traits in ourselves.
If we feel we are attracting people who are messed up, I promise you there's something in your self view, in your state of being that is still not ready to receive a healed partner and be loved. I can say that with 100% certainty because there is an abundance of amazing people looking for other amazing people to love.
When we are locked behind the shields of our defense mechanisms, we are not going to recognize those people who are good matches for us. Use these three steps below to bring your energy into balance. They will help you draw someone to you who is on the same energetic, sociologic, and emotional page that you are on.
1. Quiet the Mind with Regularity.
We must unplug from our conscious mind. We are all creatures of habit. If we only orient from the conscious level, we will not deeply connect to ourselves to awaken our wisdom. At the conscious level, we are on autopilot. We are thinking relentlessly. This process requires us to silence the mind long enough to hear our inner voice.
2. Set Intention
As creatures of habit, we must define intentions based on the information we receive from our inner voice. As we become clear about who we are and what we need in our lives, we must commit to growing those traits in ourselves daily. If we want someone spiritual, we must become more spiritual. If we want someone affluent, we must become more affluent. If we want someone who has a good sense of humor, we must deepen our sense of humor. We must energetically become what we seek from another. In that, we align vibrationally.
3. Be a Kindergartner
Lastly, be courageous and see love as if it were for the first time, like a child. Recognize that many times we have not put our hearts on the line in a long time. We have been going through the motions. Some of us have not healed from a heartbreak that happened 20, 30, or 40 years ago. We must recognize and honor our vulnerability and that we are emotionally out of practice. We have to come to a relationship like a child with open arms, and enthusiasm for possibility.
Sometimes when we open up for the first time in a long time the smallest deviation from our person of interest can throw us off. We need to develop emotional maturity to know that our partner is going to do something wrong. They are going to disappoint us. Likewise, you are going to disappoint them. We need the generosity of spirit to forgive and move forward.
When you activate these three things in your life, you will have a relationship. Why? Because you have become viable. You have become capable of opening your heart and being a partner.
We have to become viable before we ask for a partner. Most of us do not become viable before we ask.
The last bonus step is to go about living your life and be happy. Don't go through the motions of Facebook and Instagram happy putting out a version of yourself you want people to see. Dive into your passions. Have fun. Connect with your family and friends more deeply. Cultivate realness inside of yourself. Real happiness, real fun, real spontaneity
In this, we will call in a loving partner who is perfect for where we are in your life at this time. It’s possible. If you are reading do the steps. You’re probably hungry for a partnership. Feed that hunger by answering the call of your inner world. You will have a partnership in 2023.
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